Ex-fiancé of a man convicted of online child sex abuse speaks out

The woman’s world was turned upside down when she got a knock at the door from officers.

She said: "When it all came out, I felt broken and sick to my stomach. We lived together, we brought children into the world.

"I trusted him. I loved him, I gave this man my all."

The woman, who is not being named, added: "During the investigation, I realised I had also been a victim myself, as I was only in my mid-teens when we met and he was older.

"However, for me my children were my priority, and my focus was on protecting them.

"There was this overwhelming pressure to pretend daily I was fine, and life was OK, when in fact I felt broken. I’m known to be such a happy and honest person and it was breaking me.

"I left my job and moved out of the area with my kids, moving away from our family, friends and schools. I felt very lonely and for a while isolated myself.

"When I was in public, I didn’t know what to talk about, how to look, always questioning people’s intentions and worrying they knew. Trying to just get through the day consumed all my energy.

"His actions destroyed our family. Part of my children’s identity has been lost, they’re grieving – the man they looked up to is not who they thought – and I question everything, I trust no one and can’t imagine being able to allow someone that close to me or my children again."

She added: "During the investigation it was quickly apparent that there was a lack of external specialist support organisations nationally – you see these types of cases in the press all the time – but there was a gap that needed filling around external support."

She came across Nepcas, an organisation that focuses on supporting families of offenders.

"After working with police and their partners, Nepacs now provide both emotional support and general information to families within the criminal justice process," she said.

"This whole process changes you; the mental and physical impact is life-changing and a long-term method of consistent support and specialist treatment is required to really help process things and heal."

Wanting offenders to understand the full extent of their actions, she said: "He destroyed things I never imagined possible. The pain at times has been unbearable. I trusted him, I thought I knew him and I gave him the most precious things in life and he broke them too. I will never forgive him for what he has done.

"I’m asking people to really consider others – your family, the victims, loved ones – by speaking up earlier and getting help you can prevent yourself from committing awful acts. You need to realise the lifelong suffering you can cause so many."

Finally, speaking to people in a similar situation to herself, she said: "Healing takes work, but holding your shoulders back, your head high and embracing your strength is what is helping me. So being OK with doing what you need, being kind to yourself and listening to yourself is necessary. 

"This experience is part of my story but not one I chose and understanding my feelings and processing the trauma has shaped me into the strong woman I am today. Talking to others really helped me, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it helped me in so many ways.

"You have to remind yourself on the darkest days that you have got through it, you will only grow stronger from here and it will start to feel better as you heal. You deserve peace and happiness and that will come. This isn’t yours to carry, it is theirs."

If you have been a victim or have any concerns about someone online, report it by calling 101 or via the ‘Tell Us Something’ page on the Northumbria Police website.

For more details about Nepacs, visit www.nepacs.co.uk.