DO you recall those newspaper stories of a couple of years back of a grossly stomach churning nature with reference to a so-called fatberg clogging up the sewers of London?

Made up of things you are not supposed to put down the netty, including chip pan fat, baby wipes, cotton buds, sanitary products, undergarments and other yucky items of flotsam and jetsam, these unspeakable accumulations of squalor can grow to the size of a double decker bus, or even, in some cases, a Jumbo jet, if the red top papers are to be believed.

I was reminded of what lurks beneath the drains the other day, when I found myself going vermillion in the face while sucking on the outlet pipe of our venerable dishwasher.

The device has served us well for a good number of years, even though it was an unwelcome intruder when it was first introduced to the Hextol Towers kitchen.

I am a confirmed luddite when it comes to introducing labour- saving devices which tend to create more labour than they save, but Mrs Hextol was quietly insistent that the kitchen would be much more efficient with a dishwasher.

I was scathing about the ability of a mere machine to scrape congealed egg off a breakfast plate or to rid a saucepan of the cremated residue of burnt-on cauliflower as efficiently as me with my Brillo pad and Vim.

It made not a jot of difference of course, and the machine was soon throbbing quietly away in its little slot next to the sink. I waited for it to go wrong, but I was soon converted to the Dishwasher Appreciation Club.

We had to buy extra crockery and cutlery, of course, but clearing up after a meal became a two minute job instead of spending half an hour up to the elbows in soap suds.

I became the North Tyne’s leading dishwasher packer, shoe-horning dozens of items into the cavernous maw of the electronic marvel.

Sadly, it all came to an end last week, when instead of presenting us with several cupboards worth of clean dishes, the machine offered only a little display panel with a message saying “E-24” or some such equation.

We tunnelled down into the drawer where Mrs Hextol keeps the instruction manuals to every mechanical or electrical device we have ever owned in 46 years of marriage, and somewhere beneath the Teasmade manual and the book of tips on what to do should the fan belt snap on your Hoover Junior, we found the list of codes for dishwasher faults,

The indication was that the outlet hose was blocked, information which had Mrs Hextol donning the rubber gloves and delving deep into the innards of the machine. Filters, clip cages and small but important looking bits of plastic were disgorged, but she could find nothing which was obviously impeding the flow,

So it was decreed I would have to pull the machine out of its housing and check the pipework. The extraction took some considerable time, as Mrs Hextol lives in terror of weighty items scarring her immaculate floor tiles, but I eventually succeeded.

The outlet pipe did not appear to be excessively kinked or otherwise under strain, so we started up the washer, and directed the hose into the washing up bowl to see if it was working. After a breathless 15 minutes, the water began to debouch, but in a hesitant trickle rather than a healthy torrent.

The machine clearly had prostate problems so once the cycle was complete, I decided to test the outlet by blowing down the tube. I wiped and disinfected it as well as I could, but it still brought back memories of petrol siphoning exploits as a teenager, when any burps still posed the risk of self immolation many weeks later.

I blew down the tube, but nothing happened for many moments and I was about to faint into a purple heap when I felt the slightest give. I blew again, and this time, just as my vision was starring, I was able to blow all the way through to the interior of the machine.

“The fatberg has moved!” I exulted, and was able to suck as well as blow without ingesting any lard at all. I felt thoroughly elated, as problem solving is not one of my strong points.

We loaded up the dishwasher, turned it on – and the fault light came sniggering back on straight away.

A new dishwasher was installed on Saturday.